Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Gorilla Glue and Nervous Breakdowns....

A woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. :) 
Gorilla glue has become a staple item in our house, much like ketcup, milk or bread but I believe the gorilla glue may be more important to us at this stage in our lives, except for the milk, we can't go without milk around here.  We need gorilla glue nearly everyday for something or other that Cash or Arden have broken.  A steering wheel off a tractor, a picture frame for the tenth time etc... you get the idea.  So what does gorilla glue have to do with nervous breakdowns you wonder and I tell you it has a lot to do with it!!  I have seen gorilla glue stop the tears and mend the toys dozens of times at our house, sometimes multiple times a day so it has me thinking.......which may or may not be a good thing and since I am perfect and my kids NEVER fight this is just hypothetical.  Could gorilla glue put me back together after a nervous breakdown?  I have them a few times a day, it works on everything else, could it possible put the pieces of this frazzled, nut job mother back together?!  Here is the raw truth of it all:  mothers, specifically this one put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have well behaved children, to have a clean house, to have a clean car (hahahahahaha) to have a "real" meal that we prepared from scratch, to bake the cupcakes, to cook for our friends, to arrange perfect play dates, to have our kids clean and dressed cute, to have ourselves, well to just have ourselves clean...this list goes on and on and on....  But what I am finding is that when we "try" to be all these things, to do all these things, are we then being fake people building fake relationships?  What the heck is the point of that, I want REAL people in my life that I have built REAL relationships with. I want friends who step over the toys and find a seat and could not care less what my house looks like.  Basically this is real "nitty gritty" of Julie.....most days I wake up earlier than the rest of the house so that I can have time to read and pray and BEG Jesus to help me not to have that dreaded nervous breakdown, some days I sleep in, sometimes I clean in circles all day long to the point of not knowing if I am coming or going, I trip over toys, I remember at noon that I in fact have not brushed my teeth yet but I did feed my kids.  That has to count for something.  Some days my kids love each other so much it makes me cry, some days they fight so bad it makes me cry harder (this is where the dreaded break downs begin).  I am so tired most days that by 3 in the afternoon I am mixing up a Spark energy drink to survive the rest of the day.  Some days I wash my hair, most days I don't and even more days I don't wear make up.  I am living in a poop storm, these are the days of my life, this is the season God has me in.  I LOVE it and I hate it at moments but only for a second.  I want to be authentic, I don't want to pretend to ANYONE especially another mother who I know is struggling just like me that I have it all together.  Any mother who appears to have it all together is secretly having a nervous breakdown too, she just wouldn't dare blog about it! :)  Who knew parenting would be so hard, you have to be passionate about it to survive it and you have to trust that these little people we are raising will not remember when you loose your cool and yell but they will remember when you slid into home plate with them in the back yard or how you let them paint your toenails(or should I say feet) or put lip gloss all over your face just because!! Sometimes I do bake the cupcakes and make the icing because I love to do it, sometimes I sew presents for people but I assure you that any time I am doing anything of the sorts, I am loosing my mind because my kids are wrecking the house or I burned supper.  I can't do it all I can't be it all, I want to have fun with my kids and if that means that I don't sweep (for a week) then so be it! :)  Right now I am just trying to keep my kids from ending up in therapy and well,why I am at it I better go buy some more gorilla glue!